My Christmas Vacation

It's nearing the end of Christmas vacation and I have had limited computer time. It was taken over by small people and I was too busy to reclaim it until just recently.


During the vacation I managed to keep busy by learning to knit. It was ridiculously fun and I made this wonderfully hideous scarf for Madison. I was having some problems with my tension being too tight, but that problem was solved with a quick trip to the knitting store. I asked the resident expert for help and she suggested I stop knitting so tight. That's why she's the expert.

Aside from learning to knit I frequented Jason's Deli with various friends. One of whom lost an eyebrow in an unfortunate accident involving a book and a 3-year-old. I thought I'd help him out a bit.

Thats what friends are for.

Come and Behold Him

Yesterday I got the BEST plate of treats! It consisted of awesome homemade peanut butter cups, and the piece de resistance . . . a chocolate nativity. I am glad my friends think me worthy of eating the Holy Family. I decided to take a picture before consuming them.



My mom told me a cautionary tale about a cat who ate a chocolate Jesus and almost died. The implications to what happens to those who eat the Son of God are obviously implied.

All I know is, I need to get myself one of those chocolate molds before next Christmas.

While I was visiting my mom last night, as well as good advice, she gave me some folders for Madison. Some of them were cooler than normal folders because they had the elastic that you can flip around the edge (yes I get excited about office supplies). My mom had brought these back from her stint in Paris. When Madison asked about them I told her they were European folders.

"They're my peeing folders?"

"No. Not Your-A-Peein' . . . European, as in from Europe."

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

Just look at that sweet face. Upon looking at this picture you will say, "ahhhh . . ." that is unless you are a man who is not secure enough in his masculinity. If that is the case, then deep down you will want to, but you have repressed the feeling so long you no longer recognize it. Seriously though . . . let it out . . . you'll feel better if you do.

Yes, yes, he looks very sweet and he thinks he is hilarious. Off and on all afternoon he has been frantically calling for help because he is stuck only to laugh hysterically when I come to his rescue to find that he is indeed not stuck. As a result my response time increased with each call.

This last time I waited a while. When I went in I found he was really stuck this time. REALLY STUCK. Some how he managed to wedge himself between the headboard of my bed and the wall. I contemplated how to get him out (as well as how the devil he got there in the first place). I figured I would have to pull the bed out. Unfortunately the bed is rather heavy and my first attempt was pointless.

I thought about calling one of my newish (as in oh, 9 months or so?) neighbors to help me move the bed. I wondered if it would be considered child abuse to leave him there while I tidied up a bit before inviting a newish neighbor into my bedroom. Fortunately, this caused stress which resulted in my body producing natural endorphins which allowed me to move the bed on my own.

So that sweet lovable little boy is now free. I am sure you are all giddy with excitement.

Hoax Emails

This is currently floating around the inboxes and as far as hoax emails go, I find it particularly funny.

Hey it is tara and john the directors of MSN, sorry for the interruption but msn is closing down. this is because too many inconsiderate people are taking up all the name (eg making up lots of different accounts for just one person), we only have 578 names left. If you would like to close your account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON. If you would like to keep your account, then SEND THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. This is no joke, we will be shutting down the servers. Send it on, thanks. WHO EVER DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSEAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND YOU WILL COST 10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST. NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE WHOLE EMAIL. GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. It's no joke if you don't believe me then go to the site (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/1189119.stm ) and see for yourself. Anyways once you've sent this message to at least 18 contacts, your msn dude will become blue. please copy and paste don't forward cos people smell!

The last two lines are great. I'm not sure that the officials at Microsoft would send an email that says, "your msn dude" and "people smell!" I suspect that was added on to the original hoax. Which is a great idea, in fact, I think I'm going to start doing that. Every time I get a hoax email, I'm going to add ridiculous lines to it and then pass it on. I wonder how long it will take before my new version of the hoax ends up at snopes.

Patrick Warburton

Today I thought I would post one of my favorite commercials.



You've gotta love Patrick Warburton!

Saint Lucia

Madison learned about Saint Lucia in school on Friday. They were told that on Saint Lucia's day in Sweden the girls dress in white, put candles in their hair, and hand out crackers.

Madison came home and decided to dress up like Saint Lucia. She didn't know how to put candles in her hair so she improvised by putting a pen in a hat. Then she began handing out bread.

I asked her what she was doing and she was completely flabbergasted to find out that I didn't know who Saint Lucia was. She thought this was definitive proof that she was smarter than I am.

She kept talking about it all the next day.

Madison: "If you are smarter than I am you can answer this question, what is 8,542 x 1,000"

Me: "8,542,000"

Madison: "Okay, but can you do this one? 329,876 x 3,564"

Me: "Can I have a piece of paper? I can do it if I have a piece of paper."

Madison: "No, you can't have a piece of paper."

Me: "Then I can't do it."

Madison: "So I'm smarter than you!"

Me: "Uh . . . can you do it?"

Madison: "No."

Me: "Could you do it if you had a piece of paper?"

Madison: "No."

Me: "Then you aren't smarter than me. I'm smarter than you."

Madison: "That isn't how the game works, so I'm smarter than you."

Apparently not knowing the random rules to her absurd game means she is smarter than me.

I can respect that.

I've Been Tagged

I have been tagged by my dear friend Ali. You can all go to her blog and complain because now you have to read a post all about ME!

4 Jobs I have had in my lifetime

My first real job was as a janitor at UVSC. It was the summer before my freshman year of college and I was trying to raise money to pay for my first semester of tuition.

My next job was in the computer lab in the humanities building at BYU. It was fun and where I met Michael. After I graduated from college I became a janitor at UVSC. I was excited that after 4 years at BYU was able to land the same job I landed as a high school drop out.

After being a stay a home mom for a few years I started working at Provo College. A few years after that I remembered that I didn’t like working and went back to being a stay at home mom.

4 Films I have watched over and over again

I watch Pride and Prejudice a lot. I love all versions except the Greta Garbo one. I know at least two people who will hate me for saying it, but that version is just okay.

Office Space is also a favorite, because “damn it feels good to be a gangster.” I even bought Michael his very own red Swingline stapler for his desk at work.

I love Cary Grant and Alfred Hitchcock. So I have watched North by North West, To Catch a Thief, and Notorious a few times. I also quite like Dial M for Murder even though it is lacking Cary Grant, as well as Rear Window, and Vertigo . . . you get the point.

I have unwillingly seen all of the Barbie movies more than once. Okay that isn’t actually true. Some of them I slept through, but I was present for all of them. Oohh the sacrifices we make for our children whose taste in movies is poor and sense of humor underdeveloped.

4 Shows I watch religiously

Assuming I could watch any show religiously with 4 children, one of my first favorites would be Pushing Daisies. I have caught an episode here and there, and I quite like it.

Heroes is another show I find thoroughly addicting. I haven’t been able to really watch it this season and that makes me sad.

My Name is Earl and Vegas are also in my top 4.

4 Places I have lived

I lived in Orem, then Provo, then Belgium, then Provo. I know, if it weren’t for that stint in Belgium I’d be pretty pathetic. As it is I'm pretty freaking awesome.

4 Of my favorite foods

I love potatoes. I love mashed potatoes, I love baked potatoes, and I love potato cakes.

I also like chocolate. I like good quality chocolate and the stuff most people who like good quality chocolate won’t eat. I’m not picky when it comes to chocolate.

I love Dr. Pepper. I drink it with lime, with cherry, or just plain. It's good stuff, and yes I consider it a food.

While in college my diet was centered around creamed corn and orange juice, but only because I was too lazy to make potatoes and too poor to buy chocolate and Dr. Pepper.

4 Favorite colors

I like brown, I like blue, I like orange, and I am trying to get myself to like pink.

4 Places I'd love to be right now

Right now, I’d like to be either in bed, or in a warm bath. Its winter and I’m cold. So if it is warm I’d like to be there.

4 Names I love but my husband would never let me use on my own kids

I liked Jane, Emma, James and Jake. They were all too plain for the husband. He wanted names like Zentrig, and Viggo (isn’t he in a Ghost Busters movie?) and Mats (pronounced motz . . . yes, my husband wanted to name a child after apple sauce).

ADHD

The boy was recently diagnosed with ADHD. It freaked me out a little because I always thought ADHD was just another name for bad parenting.

I was hesitant to put him on medication because I wanted him to learn to adapt. I started doing all sorts of activities to help deal with his energy and help him learn to focus. None of it really worked. After he had a couple of really bad days at school, I agreed to medication.

Yesterday we forgot to give him his medication. I realized this when I picked him up from school and his teacher informed me it was a less than wonderful day. Then when I put him in the car he jumped out and ran off down the sidewalk. I had to catch him and put him in three times. At that point it was too late in the day to give him the medication because it would have kept him up all night. But here is what is interesting and why I am writing this post:

This is the boy's homework on Wednesday (when he we was on medication)

This is the boy's homework on Thursday (when we forgot to give him medication)

Why I'm Going to Hell

I don’t really like people. Now before you get offended let me explain. I like my friends and I like my family, but I try to stay away from people I don’t know.

I went to discount store with a friend of mine today. Every time they brought out a cart full of new items, people attacked it. So much so, it was hard for the worker to put the things away. There were so many people I wouldn’t have gone near that cart for a solid gold bar they were selling for 50 cents. In fact, when I saw them coming with the cart I went to the other side of the store.

I only go down aisles with other people on them if I have to. I avoid areas with old people because they tend to want to chat.

Mike has to call when we order take-out because I don’t like talking to strangers on the phone. I do make the calls when they mess up on our health insurance, but it happens often enough it’s like we’re old friends. Same goes for poison control.

The problem is that my hatred for talking to strangers is slowly dragging me down to Hell. A few years ago there was a woman sitting in front of me whose earring was about to fall out. I didn’t tell her. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her and passing a note seemed a little juvenile. She lost the earring and as I left I witnessed her crying because they were earrings her husband had given her. I still feel bad.

You'd think that would've taught me a lesson, but I’m a slow learner. The other day I was in the doctor’s office and the old man behind me dropped a paper. He was on the very edge of my peripheral vision, so I knew he had dropped the paper, but I just sat there. If I went to pick it up for him, he would want to talk to me. I just sat there. He struggled, and I sat there.

So its official, Satan has reserved a nice spot for me. I think he is setting up a little place for me right next to all the people who get angry when they have to wait in a line, because those people are really annoying.

Subtle Hints

Chase doesn't talk a lot, so we spend a good share of our time trying to figure out what he's trying to say.

Right now, I think he is trying to tell me that he needs a bath.

Shoes

I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.

I made Madison cry. It wasn't the first time I have reduced my children to tears, but this time I wasn't even mad.

She was getting ready to go to grandma's for a full day of the kind of spoiling fun that only grandparents can accomplish. They were going to be decorating gingerbread houses so she was very concerned that she look festive. We had been told a storm was on the way, and it was already starting to snow. As a result I was less concerned that she look festive and more concerned that her toes remain a cute pink color. I told her she needed to wear boots or good sneakers. She responded with a very quick, "Okay." Not entirely confident in her ability to choose proper shoes, I made her show me the shoes she intended to wear. She showed me these . . . .


See how worn they are? That's because they are so tight her toes have been trying to dig out for the past few months in a desperate attempt for air. I said, "no." Not only did I say "no" I informed her that those shoes needed to be thrown away.

"But I love these shoes!"

"No"

"Well, can't we just give them to someone?"

"No one will want them!"

"But I LOVE these shoes!"

It went on like this for almost an hour. There was pleading, weeping, chest beating, and everything else required to make a tear jerking, chair-arm-gripping drama.

She finally agreed the shoes could be thrown away, but she would be the one to do it.

So good bye shoes. You two had a good run.

Linus

I am wondering if we should have named the baby Linus. I don't even think the name Linus was on the spread sheet. An obvious oversight on our part.

Whistler's Mother

Seeing as Madison was my first child, I was anxious she be prepared when she started Kindergarten. I was a little less anxious with the boy and I figure by the time Davis starts Kindergarten, I'll be excited if he knows his name.

But being the over anxious mother I was, I bought the book her school uses for their general curriculum. It is called What Your Kindergartner Needs to Know. I decided I would be the fantastic mom that I am, and we would pick a subject from the book each week, talk about it, do some projects, and maybe even go on a field trip. If I followed through with it, she would be very well prepared to start Kindergarten.

I wanted to start easy, so I picked a section about art. We were going to have a discussion, then a painting project, then we were going to go to a museum. How awesome is that! We started the discussion and we talked about how artists use colors to express emotions. The book had two paintings to compare, the first was Whistler's Mother and the other was a Degas ballerina.


Just like the book instructed, we talked about emotions and colors, and how they work together. It seemed to be going very well. Then I asked her, based on the colors he used, what kind of a woman did she think Whistler's mother was. She told me that his mom was probably a lot like me, and if he had painted his dad he probably would have used the same colors Degas used. She went on to explain that dads are more fun than moms, because dads want to all the fun things that moms never ever want to do.

Nice.

So every once in awhile I try to break out of my Whistler's Mother mold. Yesterday was one of these days. We decided to take the kids on the Polar Express. For the record, it was my idea. Yes, I thought it would be fun to gather all four kids onto a little, and very slow, train. And, shockingly, it wasn't horrible.

The trip was basically and hour and a half. They saw the north pole out the window and Santa gave each of them their own bell. Not surprisingly, Chase fell asleep quite awkwardly in the train windowsill. Awkward enough that one of the elves on the train asked if he was okay. He was.

Now, I'm not saying I'm going to do it again next year. But maybe the year after that, because, I'm fun damn it.

Snow, Glitter, and Glue

This weekend the boys played in the snow and made a wee snowman. It is one of my favorite snowmen they have made. At Kai’s insistence, it even has eyebrows. They all had a lot of fun and were freezing cold by the time they came in. I think it was worth it because I managed to get some great pictures of Chase to send to Holt (Chase’s adoption agency in Korea).

With all the snow it is starting to feel more like Christmas, and with Christmas comes the approaching New Year. So I have started to think about New Year Resolutions. I don’t usually make one because I’m realistic and don’t often enjoy taking on the task to better myself. However, I feel like making a resolution this year, so it is important I pick something that is attainable. Deep down, well maybe not so deep, I’m lazy. So if it’s something hard, I won’t do it.

I thought about cutting back on the caffeine, but I’m not really motivated to do that for some reason. I could stop anytime, really, I could. I just don’t want to stop right now.

I also figured it might be good to eliminate a few choice words from my vocabulary, but being realistic, I know that isn’t an attainable goal until all four of my kids are married and no longer under my controlling influence. Yeah, that one is going to have to wait a few years.

Exercising and losing a few pound . . . uh, no.

Fortunately for me, I have a wonderfully helpful two year old. I found him in my craft/laundry room creating this. . . .

It consists of one box of Oxi Clean, one bottle of gold glitter paint, one bottle of dry silver glitter, and a bag of fruit snacks.

My resolution for next year:

I am going finish unpacking, clean, and organize my craft/laundry room. I am also going to be buying a hook and eye for the top of that door, but hopefully that will happen before the New Year.

Bad News and Good News

I have never gotten a speeding ticket. In fact my driving record is virtually spotless. Today however, my good driving fortune has ended.

Sadly I swapped some paint with another car while I was parking. When the woman first saw her car, she told me not to worry about it, apparently it was her husbands car. I was a little concerned that her husband might be a little more upset than she was. I gave her my name and phone number just in case. The bumper on my car didn't fare as well as the bumper on her car. Not only does it now brandish new scratches and some new red paint, it has a nice crack.

As I was fretting about the fact that we are going to have to pay to have the other person bumper sanded and repainted and get a whole new bumper on our car, I got an email saying that I have now made my second sale on etsy!

Yup. I sold this handsome devil. So I have great news. I now have another 4 dollars of pure profit. This time I am going to put it towards my insurance deductible (I'm fairly certain the husband is going to be calling)! If I sell a few hundred more ornaments I'll be set. Of course in order to sell a few hundred more, I'm going to have to pull out my stained glass stuff so I can make more. Before I do that I'm going to have to clean out the garage.

I guess no sonic Dr. Pepper with lime for me today. Which is too bad because I could really use one.