Mother's Curse

Last Saturday the boy and I spent a few hours working on his room. We organized all his clothes and toys and transformed it from a pig sty to a little boys room.

Yesterday morning I went down to his room to find that in four days he had managed to transform it back into its former sty-like state. I was less than thrilled. However, undaunted I did what I do best--lecture. I told him that when he throws his clothes all over he is being disrespectful. I told him I work hard to keep his clothes clean and all I ask is that he puts them away. Then in a stroke of pure motherly genius I told him he obviously didn't understand how much effort goes into keeping his clothes clean, so this next week he would be in charge of his own laundry.

I was very proud of myself. This week coming week I planned on making him sort the clothes, then we would put them in the washer and transfer them to the drier. After that he could fold his clothes and put them away, all the while we would be discussing respect and responsibility. GENIUS! Except for the fact that sometime I forget he's only five.

When I went to pick him up from school that afternoon I was approached by one of the women who works in his classroom. She seemed very concerned when she said, "Um, Kai was complaining all day because his legs were cold. I told him, 'Kai, if your legs are cold, wear pants tomorrow.' He said that he would but all his pants are dirty and he has to do all his own laundry, and he's just not sure when he's going to get clean pants."

Mike likes to point out that this one is completely my fault. I am the child who convinced the neighbor that my mother made me do all the house work. I am also the child who talked a perfect stranger into buying me a candy bar by telling him that my mother wouldn't feed me.

What goes around comes around.

New Parenting Service

Mondays

Mondays are the busiest days of the week for me. I have a gamillion things to do on Mondays. Gamillion . . . hmm . . . I know . . . it isn't a real word. The boy uses it a lot though, and as it is very useful I seem to have picked it up.

For example, he used it the other day when he told me that he couldn't clean his room because it would take him a gamillion of minutes. I don't know how much a gamillion is exactly. I assume it is more than a million. That is a lot if your talking about something like minutes, or things you have to do on a Monday. Perhaps not so much if your talking about the colonies of bacteria that are now growing on the boy's socks he has hidden under his bed from the last time he cleaned his room.

Like I said earlier, I have a gamillion things to do today so I will not be able to write a very long post. However, I would like to leave you with this little parenting tip: Always, ALWAYS, check the pockets of your boy's clothes before putting them in the washer. I'd hate for you to be surprised by these little beauties when you go to put your now clean (and beaten) clothes in the dryer.


Oh, quick side note here, have you ever known your child was doing something in the other room that he probably shouldn't be doing? You don't know what he's doing, but you're pretty sure he shouldn't be doing it. However, you have a gamillion things to do, so you hate to go interrupt because you don't want to take the time to deal with the mess you know he is currently making. And maybe, just maybe if you ignore it, it will all go away. Has that ever happened to you? No? Me neither.

That Boy

What has the boy been up to? So much. In fact I contemplated keeping him home from school today just so I could observe him.

Hmm, school . . . he would be gone about 6 hours . . . not only would he be gone but they would attempt to teach him something. Oh . . . he's totally going to school, however entertaining he may be.

This weekend he started a store. Well not so much a store but, as he titled it, "A Place Where You Can Borrow Guns."

He isn't prepared to sell any of his weapons, but is happy to let you borrow them. Keep in mind he does require a deposit, but it will be refunded in full once the item has been returned. I found this out when I tried to borrow a lovely green little number, but sadly I left my wallet upstairs.

How do you keep a child like this busy at a restaurant? Let him borrow the digital camera (I am full of helpful parenting tips). Just watch the fingers. His pictures kept getting blurrier because he kept touching the lens.

When we recently went to a restaurant with family I let the boy take over picture taking duties. I won't be posting all of them, he took over 100. But I will be posting some of my favorite.

First we have Auntie Carol's wheel chair wheels. All four of them.

Next we have various food pictures.

Of course he took pictures of people. First we have Davis looking at a chip cross eyed. Then Crystal, then uncle Paul, and the very polite and very patient waiter.

How else could I end but with (my personal favorite) a self portrait of the artist.

Man that kids got big eyes!

My Best Day EVER!

The boy's had a couple of bad days. As you know, he isn't really a fan of school. Desperate to help him have a good day at school, I decided I would go against everything I believe, and try a little positive thinking.

As he was putting his socks on and trying to convince me that he shouldn't have to go to school, I told him to say, "Today is going to be my best day EVER!" He grumbled it at first. "Say it like you mean it!" He said it a little louder. "NO! Say it like you REALLY mean it!" He yelled it and started laughing. "See!" I said, "You can make today your best day ever." He smiled, he stopped complaining, I'm a genius!

Madison looked at me. "Today is NOT going to be my best day ever." "Not with that attitude." I told her. She gave me the, "Your dumb and I'm embarrassed to be your daughter" look (it started a lot younger than I had expected) and said, "I have had a lot of good days. There has been Disneyland, sleepovers, and parties. Today I am going to go to school and then I will come home to do homework. Even if I could make this the best day ever, why would I want to?"

I always knew that positive thinking stuff was crap.

It seems really unfair that I have to have a kid who is not only smart, but also a smart ass.

Halloween Candy

When it comes to parenting, Halloween candy is indispensable. I took a lot of human growth and development classes at BYU and never once did they tell me about the candy tool. I have to admit, I feel a little cheated.

If I ever teach human growth and development again, I'm going to add the "candy" discussion in to the curriculum. It's something any good caregiver should know.

The first thing I do after the kids get home from trick or treating is confiscate all their candy.

After confiscating the candy, I pick out the really good stuff, like the Almond Joys and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and put that aside for myself.

Then, I take what is left and dump it into a large bowl. They can have a couple of pieces right away--they did collect it after all. But after that they have to work for it.

I think of it as a version of tip share. Being the boss I get the best tip, and then I decided how the rest is doled out.

For the next few weeks you can hear me saying, "If you eat breakfast, you can have a piece of candy. " and "If you get dressed for school you can have a piece of candy. " and maybe even, "If you clear off the kitchen counter you can have a piece of candy." "No candy until you do your homework," is common.

This morning my two year old wanted something, but I had no idea what he was saying. He was getting more and more frustrated until finally I said, "Really?" as if I really did understand what he was saying. Then before he could protest (because he isn't stupid and knew I didn't understand him) I asked, "Hey, do you want a piece of candy?" He looked at me for a second, and said, "uh huh." Situation defused!

Candy is a great bargaining chip. The police should think about using it. "Give me the gun, and I'll give you a piece of candy." Its uses could be stretched to foreign policy too, "If you stop manufacturing WMDs we'll give you candy." We could even trade candy for oil.

No need to thank me. Making the world a better place is its own reward.