Yo Ho and a Bottle of Rum

I have been known to spout a few mild swear words now and then. I try not to swear around the kids, but sometimes I slip. Maddie said damn a few times, but never really picked it up. Not surprisingly the boy picked it up just fine. He knows he isn't supposed to say that word but likes to casually toss it around when he thinks I'm not listening. Last year when a car zoomed around me to jump in front of me in the school drop off line I said, "What the Hell was that!" and he responded with, "Ya, it's not like we're not going to the same damn place!" If he's going to swear as least he swears appropriately. Am I right?

I have been working on getting him to stop his occasional swearing, so now he says nonsense words. They are always a little different so I'm pretty sure he makes them up on the spot. Last night I woke up to hear him screaming, "Go away you crazy (insert string of made-up profanities here)!" Michael went down to check on him to find that he thought the skull and cross bones on the pirate flag that hangs above his bed (and has for almost 2 years) was moving and coming to get him. The boy came upstairs to sleep with us, but was still very freaked out. Michael suggested we take the flag down, but the boy wouldn't have that. He loves that flag, even it if is trying to kill him.

He may swear, but he's got that unconditional love thing down. Well, as long as your as cool as a pirate flag that is.

I Have Flying Soap in My Inventory

I would like to explain why it is that I am awake at 7am on a Saturday.

It wasn't long ago that I was asleep. I was having one of those crazy mom dreams. You know where I go to put the kids in the car, but realize that I have left the baby's car seat in the place we came from. So I run back to get the car seat and am stopped my some girl who tells me that Chase did something gross that they want me to clean. She won't tell me what it is and just says that I have to see because it's just "so gross." I started to explaining to her that being a mom I don't say, "eeewww . . . " giggle, and run away when someone says the words "poop" and "pee" and "vomit" and would she please just tell me what he did so I can get what I need to properly clean it. I was in the middle of perfectly good lecture when (in real life now) my husband leans over and touches my hand and says, "Wait! Don't move, don't move, don't move!"

me: huh?
husband: You have flying soap in your inventory now.
me: Flying soap?
husband: Yes, in your inventory, you know, like on your belt.
me: What the Hell . . . are you awake?
husband: I know it sounds weird, but I am awake.
me: So why did you wake me up?
husband: Because it's your turn.
me: Oh. Is the baby fussing? (we take turns when he fusses at night-- and it is currently my turn)
husband: No.
me: Are you sure your awake?
husband: Um. Never mind.
me: No, and this point I would like to know why I was woken up.
husband: Ya, maybe I wasn't awake then. But I am now.
me: Okay so I am going to go back to sleep.
husband: . . . . (apparently he is back already asleep . . . though I'm not sure I believe he ever woke up)

At this point I tried to roll over and go back to sleep but unfortunately we forgot to turn the kids alarm clocks off last night. We have them set for 6:30am so they can get ready for school. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and the boy growling while he says, "STOP FOLLOWING ME!"

I decided to just go ahead a get up. But I shut the bedroom door because I think the husband could use a little extra sleep. Just a hunch.

A Child's Mind

When I was in kindergarten I remember Mr. Castleton finding a black widow in the blocks at school. But now I wonder if it was really a black widow or just a spider I romanticized as being a black widow.

I also remember when the little girl who's desk was next to mine earned the strawberry scented notebook. She had one more "good behavior token" than I did. I would have won except I kept my eyes open during the prayer, and had some tokens taken away. I felt this was very unjust because I was only keeping my eyes open so I could tattle on other kids keeping their eyes open so their tokens would be taken away, thus securing my position and winning the notebook. My plan obviously backfired.

Once I dreamed that a robber, dressed in black and white stripes, climbed in my window during the night and stole my chap stick out of the toy box. I thought it really happened. I remember my mom being frustrated because she couldn't convince me that I had just lost my chap stick. She pointed out that the windows in my room didn't open. I didn't budge. In fact I'm still a little skeptical, it was pretty cool chap stick.

I remember tricking my mom into buying me a sticker book I really wanted. I told her that my friend Jon's sister was having a birthday party and I needed to get her a present. Jon didn't really exist and neither did his sister. I hid the sticker book in the closet in my room. I also had to play with it in the closet because I didn't want to risk my mom finding it. But as it turns out, she knew Jon and his sister didn't exist. I probably could have just said, "Hey mom, can I have that sticker book?" And avoided the self induced time in the closet.

I was reminded of all these things and how different kids look at the world yesterday while chaperoning my daughters field trip. We were visiting the world fest. We got to walk from booth to booth and learn about various countries and cultures. At one point we were told to gather near the stage because a Chinese dragon would be making an appearance. After a 20 minute wait the dragon finally came through the doors and the kid next to me exasperates, "oh . . . it isn't a real dragon."